adversity, fear, and evolution

adversity really is an inevitable part of evolution. i have tried so many times to ignore this. or run from it. or act like if i hid in my coping mechanisms or cycles i could be rid of it.. almost like trying to fool myself into believing i could evolve with no resistance.

what i have come to is this. objectively i already knew this. that adversity is the way of evolution. and that despite all efforts we cannot remain unchanged. the one role we play in this life is to change. it’s nature’s course.

i think what’s so ironic is i can be so observant of external cycles, patterns, in circumstances outside of myself. but when it comes to me.. i often get so tangled up in ego, or my illusion of “separateness” that things that seem confusing or layered are actually very simple when i take a step outside myself .. and i see myself as a person living by the same rules as everyone else.

i think something i am finally grasping is.. i will never.. never be free from adversity. and there is no world or version of the world I could live in with no adversity. and that no matter the path you take it will always be there to meet you. it is inescapable. so rather then curse it. curse this truth for existing. allow it to be what it was made for. to evolve you. adversity is not a punishment. adversities are levels .. they are check points you must pass through on your journey to evolve.

something i’ve been reconciling with myself is this truth: you can flee from these checkpoints all you want, or try and find some other way through.. but you will always. always. come back to that same place. in a position where you are faced with that same decision that you have been running from. again and again. until you decide to walk through .. even though the other side is unfamiliar.

honestly i’m kind of just laughing at myself. like here i am obsessed with my own evolution and yet trying to keep it “comfortable” or “familiar” when in fact a practice in active evolution is this actually very brave act of choosing that uncertain, unfamiliar, uncomfortable path .. because you know it’s the only way forward. and that this little act of bravery, in choosing to take a step forward into the unknown .. instead of the old cycles that are familiar.. is the strength that grows you.

evolution. but more then that.. understanding what uncomfortable step you need to take to evolve .. can feel so scary. but only. only because it’s unfamiliar. not because it’s dangerous. it is a brave act to be faced with those two uncomfortable decisions and to choose the unfamiliar path.

so know this. you are a brave person for even attempting to walk the path of growth. for asking yourself the difficult questions. and for recognizing where your own fear unreasonably holds you hostage from your own growth. you are a brave person for walking the path that is uncomfortable and unfamiliar. you are brave.

i also like that saying ‘bravery feels like fear’ yup. bravery is literally what feeling scared feels like. but facing it. acting even with all your fear. and fear.. acting in & from fear is actually the option that feels safe and comfortable. and we are lw taught the opposite. that bravery feels like an unflinching belief in one’s self. that bravery means no weakness no fear. but being brave .. being brave feels the scariest. it feels like fear. because you aren’t choosing to run from that uncomfortable place, but actually face that feeling fully.

I think there’s also something to be said about those checkpoints, and that the decision to hold onto safety and familiarity holds us back sure.. but that this is a decision we made out of fear of the unknown. For myself.. it’s important. vitally important.. to understand this. If my natural course is evolution.. then only thing resisting is me. And my resistance to my own evolution is the fear I listen to and act upon.

— And i’m not saying that making a decision from fear isn’t part of growth yk or that it’s completely this simple and easy… because actually i think so much of growing stems from our fear and unwillingness evolve over and over so much so that we perpetually cling to safety until we realize it’s not actually getting us anywhere, or that our fear of evolving is actually ridiculous.. and moving forward becomes the better (and less suffered) option of the two. Lol.

and this truly a call to myself: know that these forces are not against you. no force in this world in against you. and no force in the world has power over you (yk except death). adversity is not a force meant to tear you down. adversity.. these “check points” they were placed there so you could be made stronger, more loving, more humble, more confident, more trusting, more resilient as you walk your path. so you could be made braver for choosing uncomfortable uncertainty over (momentarily) comfortable familiarity. every force was sent so you could be made stronger. they were sent because God, the Universe, the higher powers what have you knew you were ready to handle them. to take that next step. with each check point you pass through on your evolution .. you are made stronger .. and the abundance from the universe as a reward for patience & trust beyond what the eye could see.. these things multiply. that’s my fervent belief because I have witnessed it over and over again in my own life. 🙂

edit:

this is kind of a footnote added later but .. when i think about myself. my own life. my own cycles. my own evolution.. i sit with, and am reminded (though humbling experience after humbling experience & an awareness of my own fear based decision making) that running will never give me peace. running has never given me peace. and through so much personal evolution i am grateful to say that I (at the least) know a version of this peace. & that when I’ve been there .. it was not from any external circumstances. as an outlook and a mental state… it came from a release of resistance.

But also…and a notion I am truly truly learning in this stage of my life… is a surrendering fear of the unknown. fear.. and fear of the unknown being a form of resistance .. to change, to growth, to personal evolution.

I ponder my evolution often.. especially the workings of my mind.. and I think previously I had focused so much attention on simply relaxing and … “ finding the a way through [in terms of evolution] that had the least resistance” .. and i still think this is true.. but .. I think I’m realizing that it’s less about finding the way through that has the least resistance.. and more about releasing resistance within myself. My resistance to change. to adversity. to the unknown.

The ‘check points’ on the journey of my personal evolution will always be what they are. And no amount of running will ever change them.. or offer another way around, through, or beyond.

There is no “path of least resistance” on the journey of personal evolution. there is only me … who makes that decision within myself to release my resistance .. my fears .. to allow myself to evolve.

(super cringey lol but like this really feels like an internal breakthrough in my personal understanding of my evolution.)

“the only way out is through” or maybe something I like more is “the only way beyond is through”

remember it takes bravery to persist. to walk through these checkpoints in adversity. to choose the unknown over the familiar. this is brave. bravery is rewarded. it is only scary because it’s unfamiliar. not because it’s dangerous. so give it time.. have some trust.. it will become familiar. and when it does you will feel a sense of safety again. and this time it will be better.. it will be stronger. because you found your safety after putting trust in the unknown.. (and in yourself!) you trusted that even when releasing your fears .. and nervously letting go of old patterns .. you are still whole. you are still you. you are more you. this right here. this is the process of evolution. and no matter how small the scale.. at least for me.. once you see it work its magic once you are hooked. because you understand the recipe yk.. you understand the cycle 🙂