growth mindset vs fear/closed mindset

On my little walk today (where I do my deepest thinking lol!) I was thinking about self-destructive tendencies. Something I’m realizing is that 99.9% of the time, my conscious self sabotage ALWAYS comes from a fear based mindset. That little voice that says “what if you go all in on something and you fail?”— or intentional self sabotage so you can give yourself something to blame if in fact you ‘fail’ (which is really just a self fulfilling prophecy).

I think failure is often categorized into this very specific end. Like after this there is nothing else for you, you failed you’re done. Here’s what I think: Failure straight up DOES NOT EXIST. At what point is (in the gym for example) there an ‘end’ ? Literally nothing in life (aside from a few things) is ever the be all end all. Like let’s say I completely crash out and eat my whole kitchen for 5 days (which i’ve definitely done) what is stopping me from getting up and going right back to it on day 6? Like that very small little decision to be like ‘well might as well get up and try again’ makes something not a failure and instead a little dip that you get to learn from.

With a growth mindset, my mind exists from a place of “well trying at this is better then not trying.” I think when you define things in such a black and white manner: good/bad, success/failure, yes/no … you get way to wrapped up fixed end points (and limitations) instead of embracing the limitlessness of learning and growth.

And thinking back on my own personal growth (in the gym for example) over the last 3-4 years, even before competing.. like the thing that has brought me from point A to point B has just been this almost hilarious continuation of trying something, building momentum, reaching a limit, getting knocked down for a second (or many many seconds lol) and just being like welp can’t get worse then this, might as well try again tomorrow. And little by little, those tiny decisions to get up and keep moving even at a snails pace have been what ultimately defined my growth. That, and.. each time I found myself in a low spot and made the little decision to move past it I would learn a little bit more about my habits, the patterns that brought me to that place, and almost how I can “rework my strategy” even if just a little. I think growth really just is the culmination of so many little moments like that that they don’t end up phasing you anymore.

And if anything, existing from a mindset of “I’m gonna check my fear at the door and try something just because it’s better then not trying” is so great because it also allows you to be okay and almost welcome setbacks and opportunities to learn. I think where I am now mentally is: it’s not gonna be perfect (lol) sometimes it’s farrrr from perfect, but it’s better than nothing! trying and fucking up is better then not trying at all because at the very least you learn something about yourself, or you learn from others.

And the irony about ‘failure’ is that the decision to act like it exists, the decision to allow your mindset to be fixed on an endpoint like that is exactly what predetermines it for you.

At least that’s what I think!

Thanks for reading 🙂